How Do You Love?
Do you love your people the way they want to be loved?
Most of us know what our love language (s) are. How we want to be loved.
I’m a physical touch and quality time kind of girl.
I don’t care too much for the rest. And as the very self-centred human I can be, I spent years loving the people in my life with my love language. And I would get surprised when they did not respond positively to my efforts.
Well, that’s because I was speaking quality time, and they spoke gifts or words of affirmation.
There’s always all this attention on the “I”. While it’s true you can’t give what you don’t have, you also don’t need to be self-obsessed and think the world revolves around you. (note to self and others honest enough to admit that they can get too carried away with themselves)
When it comes to relationships, the not-self-centred thing to do is to find out how the other person wants to be loved.
Yes, it means admitting you don’t know everything. And there’s no shame in that. Listen, I’d rather do right by someone I love instead of being right.
It’s wise to choose the hill you want to die on, and it better be one with cool views. Being right is not all it’s made out to be.
Ask the people around you how they best receive love. Do that.
It may be different from your way of receiving love. That’s OK. Our differences are the spices of life.
Hear them and course-correct.
Your relationships may be going through an ugly season. Maybe it’s just because you’re speaking the wrong language.
Your intentions don’t matter if I don’t understand what you’re saying.
You could be screaming at the top of your lungs that you end up losing your voice and getting frustrated because I seem unbothered. I am unbothered because I don’t understand what you’re saying. Which means I am very unaware that you are frustrated.
Do you see why seeking to understand others first is one of the ways to win friends and influence people? (If you have not read this book, yes, totally judging you!)
Listen, I pride myself on being such an amazing and intuitive friend. So when I did a survey and some of my close friends were like, “You totally are a great communicator but that does nothing for me.”
I had to clutch my imaginary pearls, swallow the embarrassment and then come back and be like, “So, what does my being a good friend look like to you? How would you like me to love you?”
If you thought adulting was easy, go think again — like three times. LOL
I am speaking from experience.
This can be the fix you have been looking for. All it might cost you is a dent in your ego — that you totally can survive. I believe in you. ;)
So, ask the people in your life what their love languages are and start expressing your love to them in those languages and let me know if your relationships won’t feel lighter and less frictiony.
Sidebar: this is only for mature people who actually care about the people in their lives. If you are only all about yourself and what others can do for you, umm, praying for you & leaving you at the foot of the cross. This is not for you.
Go love your people as they prefer to be loved.