Nov 9, 2022
Thank You For The Concern, But I’m Good.
How to graciously choose yourself without choosing offence.
How come none of the people you talk to materialise to “meaningful relationships?
A close friend asked me this question after my 35th birthday lunch with some of my close girlfriends.
It caught me off guard.
My first reaction was to be offended and want to defend myself. (thank God for self-awareness)
I took a deep breath and told myself to chill. We don’t react here, we respond.
Responding requires careful consideration of what has been said and an objective analysis.
First, this is someone who loves me. This let’s me know that she had the best of intentions with her questions.
I am 35 after all and don’t seem to have solid prospects for “settling-down” and I am OK with it.
This goes against everything society expects of us, especially as women.
So, putting these two things into perspective, my defenses have been lowered.
The next consideration was the fact that she had recently wedded and she does have a beautiful love story.
Like another single friend mentioned the other day, “Married folk seem to be like in a cult. They are always trying to recruit single people to join.”
That was hilarious and also true.
It be feeling like a cult some time.
Anyways, all these put together, missy did not mean to offend me. She did not mean to shame me. She was being a concerned friend, who exists in a world that questions single women and belongs to the beautiful “cult” that is marriage. (I just had to).
Therefore, my response was tempered and grace-filled.
Babe, I know you want the best for me and I know from your rose-coloured glasses of your beautiful marriage, you truly are concerned as to why I am not in a hurry to join in on the beauty. So, thanks for the concern but you really don’t need to be concerned. I am choosing the single life for now. That doesn’t mean I don’t desire to be boo’d up, however, I’m not just going to boo-up with just anyone. The stakes are higher for me because I am older and wiser. I know what I can and cannot take. So, it’s gonna take me a minute to get my diamond in the middle of the rocks. But I promise you, I’m good.
And we lived happily ever after in our friendship! LOL.
OK, so what’s the point of this whole story?
Well, the point is, your life is your own and only you know what’s the best for you.
The point is, no one has lived your life so they can’t possibly know what it has in store for you — That means, you do not need to get offended with people giving you notes about your life, which they really know nothing about, except for what you tell them.
The point is you don’t have to get defined by what others think of you. They are allowed their opinions. You are allowed to ignore them.
Listen, just because someone throws something at you doesn’t mean you have to catch it.
And when you start living life with this awareness, you will find yourself responding more often than reacting.
You will find yourself being able to extend grace when people say things that could be considered offensive but you choose not to catch the offense-hit.
Darling, you are in control of your life (well as far as humans go because otherwise, God truly is or He should be. Story for another day)
What I mean is no one gets to affect you one way or the other, unless you give them the permission to.
You have so much more power than you thought. Use it.
What can you do to demonstrate this power in your life? How can you appreciate the good intent and also reject it because it does not serve you?
xoxo,
Adoyo.
