What Other People Think Of You Is None of Your Business.
Even though everything you were probably taught says otherwise.
I am a self-proclaimed recovering perfectionist.
I was 14 when I decided that for me to be loved or worthy, I needed to be perfect. Partly because puberty and hormones. The other part, my parents retired and moved away from the city where we lived and I interpreted that as abandonment.
How can the two people who are supposed to love me unconditionally, abandon me?
I love my older siblings and them stepping up to take care of me, in hindsight.
In the moment, I just decided my parents had left me and because teens are the most self-centered people, it’s because they didn’t love me. They didn’t love me because I was unlovable. I was unlovable because there was something wrong with me.
I know, it doesn’t make much sense as an informed, well-adjusted adult.
I was not that at 14.
And that’s how my journey with chasing perfectionism started. With perfectionism comes people-pleasing. A lethal combination that leaves you cuffed to the opinions of others.
This is one of the worst personal prisons you can put yourself into.
Of course you don’t do it knowingly.
It often shows up as a trauma response, perfectionism I mean. And at first, it seems to work because of the validation you receive. Because you see, your pursuit of perfectionism kinda benefits the people around you.
How Perfectionism Benefits Others at Your Expense.
You see, when you are chasing perfectionism, you will always ensure the i’s are dotted and the t’s crossed.
What that looks like is whatever you do or are involved in will somehow always be above average, near excellence. Everyone around you ends up benefitting from how you show up and get things done. They will, therefore, praise you for your awesome work.
What they don’t know is how much you at times betray yourself to be “awesome”.
Or how, like a drug, you’ll always be chasing the next high